Miss Kai has Dyslexia, but we didn't know this until 6 months ago. She has struggled through 6 years of schooling thinking she was not good enough, she was stupid and constantly being told to try harder. I have even been guilty in the past of thinking she was just being lazy, or not trying hard enough. It breaks my heart to know she felt this way for so long.
I knew something was not right from Grade 1, I did bring Dyslexia up then but got laughed at and treated like a neurotic mother. I forged ahead anyway as I knew something was up. I had this incredibly bright little girl, but she was struggling to learn her sight words and reading was not progressing. This is also when her anxiety kicked in, at first I thought it was just separation anxiety as her Dad went away for work a lot and I was her only constant. I soon worked out it was more than that, she was lashing out at me at home but refusing to let me go at school. The fear was real, she was petrified of letting me go. Then she started saying how much better off we would all be if she just disappeared, she was constantly talking about falling off bridges or not waking up again. I was really scared, this was my beautiful, vibrant, sweet, smart little 6 year old, something was seriously wrong. This is when I found a Peadiatrician that specialised in behavioral disorders and mental health. He did cognitive testing which showed she was above average to superior in some areas but average in others. Her performance testing was 2 to 3 years below where she should be according to cognitive test results. With this he diagnosed her with ADD Inattentive Type, he also diagnosed her with General Anxiety Disorder/Depression. We had already been seeing a Psych for 4 months by this stage who agreed and they both felt Anxiety medication was necessary. I agreed as I felt my baby was slipping away. The medication helped with her anxiety immensely, we also used dietary changes (removed additives/preservatives) and behavioral therapy. I thought OK we know whats going on now, we can move forward.
However she really didn't improve a lot with her schooling and her anxiety was always at it's worst when school was involved. We got to Grade 2 and had the most amazing teacher, she seemed to just get Miss Kai. She allowed her extra time for spelling tests and reading tasks, she was very compassionate and always focused on her strengths. When Miss Kai's anxiety got to a point she was refusing school she would meet us at the school gate and walk Miss Kai in distracting her with photos or music on her phone. I could not have got through that year without this teacher, she went above and beyond and it showed in her work.
We got to Year 3 at new school and new town and things seemed to start really well but it didn't last long. Her anxiety got significantly worse, her grades slumped and she lost all of her confidence. This teacher was the polar opposite of the previous years teacher, She had zero understanding or compassion. During this year we trialed Ritalin as her new Pediatrician guilt tripped me into it, making me feel like a horrible parent. After 2 weeks and zero sleep even on the lowest dose of slow release Ritalin I decided to trust my gut and stop. The Pediatrician just wanted to give her sleeping pills on top of Ritalin, and some Anti-Depressants on top of the Anxiety medications, I just felt no-one was seeing the real issue. She couldn't read effectively, if I read to her she knew exactly what was going on and could answer any questions. But as soon as she had to read it all fell apart. Her fluency was also well behind where she should be, she would stumble on the basic words but have no trouble with long and difficult words, it just didn't make sense. She was also saying she couldn't understand what was being said in class. We had been seeing an Educational Pysch all year and when I brought up Dyslexia again as it just seemed so obvious to me I was once again ridiculed. I was told Dyslexia no longer exists (not that some people now refer to it as Specific Learning Disorder - Reading, but that it flat out does not exist).
I was getting desperate and trying to find help, that led me to an Audiologist to see if something was going on with her hearing as she kept telling me the teacher aide always said the wrong words in spelling tests so she got it wrong. Her hearing was perfect but this led us down the Auditory Processing Disorder path. After a few months she was diagnosed with APD - Distorted Speech being her biggest issue. I took all this to her teacher with methods and accommodations for teaching her. I was met with disdain, and basically ignored. She decided the best way to help Miss Kai was to put her with an aide with a very strong accent in the outdoor area near the mower and constant foot traffic for literacy intervention. She told my daughter to cut this Anxiety nonsense out as it was making life hard for everyone around her and much more. My complaints to the school were a waste of time. I got promised the world but it was never delivered. I still hold a lot of anger for this teacher and school, they truly broke my daughters spirit that year. The next year was a little better, we got a teacher that actually cared and worked with us. But her reading, spelling and writing just didn't improve. This is the year that she started running away from school, and school refusal was extreme.
We moved again and found a new school. This school is amazing, the teachers worked with me and were open to my thoughts and techniques. They built Miss Kai up and used teaching methods that worked for her. There has been some hurdles along the way but they have dealt with it openly and quickly always making sure Miss Kai has the support she needs. We also found an amazing support group online for Dyslexia, they helped me find specialists who actually knew what they were talking about and we got an assessment done. The diagnosis came back that Miss Kai has moderate Dyslexia and Dysgraphia. Her teacher this year has been so supportive and understanding, she has been doing everything she can to help build her up. Her new psych and I have been working really hard on helping her find acceptance of who she is, good and bad.
Last term her class had to write a report on a topic of their choice and present it to class. She took this opportunity to write about Dyslexia. I am insanely proud of her for stepping so far out of her comfort zone and allowing herself to be vulnerable. She pre-recorded the audio as she was determined it would be in her own words, but knew she would not be able to get up and read it out in front of the class. Pre-recording it meant she could read it in small lots and re-do it when she made a mistake without the anxiety and pressure of being in front of a group of people. She spent about 2 hours recording and re-recording this audio but she never gave up. That is such a positive step forward for her.
This is a copy of her presentation
Dyslexia - In My Own Words
